On the Record

This has very little — OK, nothing — to do with the law, but it’s just too funny and strange not to share.

I just got a press release from the Humane Society of Baltimore County, which plans to hold its second annual cat wedding on February 14, Valentine’s Day. The couple, Winslow and Comfrey, will be joined in holy meowtrimony at 3 p.m., after which they will be available for adoption. (Please tell me they’ll go to the same house!)

From the release:

The ceremony will be officiated by Roy List, a local non-denominational minister and will feature a “bridal party” comprised of other shelter cats and dogs. A reception complete with wedding cake will be held immediately after the ceremony.

The public is invited to attend the wedding and bring “bridal registry items” as a gift to the happy feline couple. Registry items consist of donation items that the shelter is in need of including cat litter, blankets, beds, nylabones, stainless steel bowls, etc.

I would hate to be in charge of organizing the bridal party. It would be like — well, like herding cats.

The point of the wedding is to encourage people to come down to the Humane Society and adopt pets. To that end, the group is also offering a two-for-one cat adoption special. (Should we call it “buy one, get one flea”? Awful, I know.)

There are a million puns and jokes I want to put out there right now, but I’m holding back (mostly). Readers, please do the honors: come up with a clever title for this post and submit it as a comment.

CARYN TAMBER, Legal Affairs Writer

Bad luck: a jury duty summons.

Worse luck: two jury duty summonses from two different jurisdictions.

Even worse luck: two jury duty summonses from two different jurisdictions showing up in your mailbox the same day.

You’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me luck: two jury duty summonses from two different jurisdictions showing up in your mailbox the same day, asking you to appear in court on the same day.

Looks like my husband got on the bad side of the jury duty gods. I say the city and the feds should duel at high noon for the honor of his presence.

CARYN TAMBER, Legal Affairs Writer

Lorenzo Neal can throw a block with the best of ’em.

The Baltimore Ravens fullback has been making big-name NFL running backs look good since the early 1990s, clearing their road to yardage and touchdowns with his stocky 255-lb wrecking ball body.

With his team’s season cut short one game before this weekend’s Super Bowl, Neal found himself in a different supporting role Tuesday: testifying in Boise on behalf of Idaho businessman Dick Phillips, who is accused of having sex with underage girls.

Neal is not happy that Phillips, his friend and partner in producing and marketing an energy drink, is embroiled in the scandal but described the defendant as honest and trustworthy and said he would still do business with him in spite of the seedy allegations.

Neal’s testimony seemed to cast more blame on the state’s witness — the man who introduced Phillips, age 64, to the teens, ages 15 and 17.

After Phillips’ arrest on lewd-conduct charges, “Cord Massey said, ‘Look, I know these young ladies. I know what these b—–s want; it’s about money. I’ll take care of you, but your boy’s going to owe me. Your boy’s gonna owe me big time,’” Neal testified, according to an article on MSNBC’s Web site.

BRENDAN KEARNEY, Legal Affairs Writer

If you haven’t been following the saga of Texas death-row inmate Larry Swearingen, you should be. It’s a fascinating case for anyone interested in the death penalty and the role of scientific experts in criminal cases.

Swearingen was set to die Tuesday by lethal injection for the 1998 murder of Melissa Trotter. The 19-year-old college student disappeared on Dec. 8 of that year. Her strangled body was found Jan. 2, 1999.

Several experts, including one who testified for the prosecution at Swearingen’s trial, have said that Trotter was likely killed a lot later than originally thought. The Dallas Morning News writes:

Several criminal pathologists say the prosecutors’ original theory — that Trotter had been dead for 25 days before she was found — is impossible because of how preserved her body was.

If they’re right, that means Swearingen couldn’t have killed her. He was in jail for traffic violations for the three weeks before the discovery of her body.

The 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals stayed the execution Monday, after several publications called for further proceedings in the case.
The district attorney in Montgomery County, Texas, is defending Swearingen’s conviction:

“These issues are now being raised as a diversionary tactic, to distract the courts and the public from the overwhelming evidence of Mr. Swearingen’s identity as the person who killed Melissa Trotter,” Ligon said.

Ligon has his own new evidence, which he said shows that Swearingen could indeed have killed Trotter.
HT: How Appealing.

CARYN TAMBER, Legal Affairs Writer

I’ve heard a criminal defendant call a prosecutor a “bitch” before, but never have seen or heard anything quite as disturbing as what Weusi McGowan did to his own attorney this week: A mistrial was declared Monday when a home-invasion robbery suspect smeared human feces on his attorney’s face then threw more at the jury.

Weusi McGowan, 37, was upset because San Diego Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Fraser refused to remove Deputy Alternate Public Defender Jeffrey Martin from the case, prosecutor Christopher Lawson said.

At the mid-morning break, McGowan produced a plastic baggie filled with fecal matter and spread it on Martin’s hair and face, then flung the excrement toward the jury box, hitting the briefcase of juror No. 9 but missing the juror himself.

“That juror didn’t even see it coming,” Lawson said.

Apparently, McGowan previously tried to smear himself, too, but was found competent to stand trial — a trial that will be rescheduled with a different jury.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen or heard in an attempt to get a mistrial?

HAT TIP: CrimProf Blog

CHRISTINA DORAN, Assistant Legal Editor

One of the best, early episodes of Seinfeld is the “The Library,” where Jerry is accused of not returning a book he checked out in 1971. Jerry pays a fine to resolve the issue, but not before an intense grilling by Joe Bookman, the New York Public Library’s investigation officer, who was convinced Jerry was up to no good.

Bookman must have been smiling Thursday, then, when an Iowa woman was arrested for not returning a library book. Shelly Koontz was charged with fifth-degree theft, a misdemeanor, and was released on $250 bond, according to The Gazette in eastern Iowa (via AP).

Koontz checked out the “The Freedom Writers Diary” (retail value: $13.95) in April at her local library but had not returned it by September despite multiple phone calls and letters by library officials. The library then contacted police; officers visited her home twice in the fall asking she return the book or pay for it before they arrested her.

Koontz said she was in the process of moving in when police came around. She said she would pay whatever fine she owes and was able to find humor in the situation.

“Maybe I’ll tell the judge I’m a slow reader,” she said.

Free coffee at Monk’s Café to anyone who can name the book Jerry was accused of not returning.

DANNY JACOBS, Legal Affairs Writer

Most local law firms promoted fewer people to partner this year than they did last year, but none have publicly frozen promotions, Caryn Tamber writes in this week’s cover story.

The Office of the Attorney General and the Office of the Public Defender would see modest increases, overall, in funding under the governor’s proposed budget, Steve Lash writes; the Judiciary, which submits its own budget request to the General Assembly, has asked for a 6 percent increase.
In the news:

• The Nicholas Browning case presents a case study in dealing with cases in which the victims’ loved ones are also grieving for the perpetrator;

• A man convicted of a quadruple killing in 1990 is entitled to a hearing on his motion for a new trial;

• Venable plans to move its Towson offices; and

• Prosecutor Mark Cohen will be honored posthumously by the Baltimore City Bar Association.

An office supply store won a defense verdict in a suit by a woman who claimed she was fired for telling police about what she suspected was criminal activity by two customers. The jury found that Staples had cause to fire its sale manager because she also called another retailer about the customers, a violation of the store’s privacy policies.

Deciding what to do with the detainees will make it difficult to close the U.S. detention camp at Guantanamo — or will it? In “The Big Picture,” Columnist Jack L.B. Gohn says it really isn’t so complicated.

PLUS:
News in brief, On the Move, an Interrogatory and this week’s Law Digest, with cases from the state Court of Appeals, the U.S. Supreme Court, the 4th Circuit and the U.S. District Court in Maryland.

BARBARA GRZINCIC, Managing Editor/Law

Happy Monday! Only a little over a month-and-a-half to go on this winter thing. Here are a few law links for you:

• “‘Sixty-two-year-old men don’t make out with 6-year-old girls,’ [Anne Arundel County Circuit Court Judge J. Michael Wachs] said. ‘It’s a shame you don’t recognize that.’” Horrible. HT: Baltimore Crime.

• There are two sides to every story, says the Maryland Divorce Legal Crier.

• Peter Hermann at The Sun had a piece today on a police officer shot in Seton Hill, a neighborhood I wrote about last summer in a story about a lawyer doing pro bono work for homeowners there who were fed up with crime.

• What should you do if you don’t make partner?

• What should you do if you’re a 3L preparing to enter a terrible job market?

• What should you do if you’re not busy but want to fool your boss into thinking you are? (For one attorney, this involved motion detection lighting and an oscillating fan.)

CARYN TAMBER, Legal Affairs Writer

I’ve written before about how sports are not recession-proof. But the topic was brought home by Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti at a news conference he held last week when he said he is concerned about how the recession may affect the team.

“I’ve said this before: I’m not in this business to make money, but I’m also hoping not to lose money, and we’re running on fairly small margins when it comes to cash flow,” Bisciotti said Wednesday. “So all those companies in Baltimore that buy our suites and everything, I need them to keep on going, and I need the people to keep on buying tickets. So we have to be sensitive with increases and everything else, but it is definitely a factor, and it’s the first time we’re going to go through it.

“But I’ve been through economic downturns in my other business, and so I think that we know how to prepare for those kinds of things. But you can’t prepare for loss of revenues. You just have to try and manage it the best you can and minimize the losses.”

It’s a sticky situation — suites are a big revenue generator for a team, and you don’t want to make the cost prohibitive for a company that is likely scrutinizing its discretionary expenses and may not have many clients left this year to even schmooze at the suite.

But on the plus side, Bisciotti said the team’s performance this season should earn it more primetime appearances for the 2009 season. And national television exposure is good not just for the Ravens but for their relationship with advertisers that pay for the stadium billboards seen on TV.

At what point should fans here start worrying about their team? If finances are an issue, will the Ravens be able to afford a monster contract for Ray Lewis to keep him in Baltimore? And if they can’t, how bad would that be for the city and team’s morale?

LIZ FARMER, Business Writer

DLA Piper was the busiest firm in the world on global mergers and acquisitions last year, says a merger intelligence-gathering operation called mergermarket.

The firm advised on more global deals than any other firm in 2008, mergermarket’s report says.

CARYN TAMBER, Legal Affairs Writer