On the Record

I received a lovely Edible Arrangements fruit basket at my desk this morning.

Since I can find a law angle to almost anything, I’ll tell you that there was a funny warning label attached to my fruit. It told me, first off, that the arrangement was made with skewers. No kidding! So that’s what those pointy things sticking out of the fruit were.

Then the label told me to “[c]arefully remove fruit with utensil and dispose of fruit skewers immediately.” As opposed to just chomping away with the skewers still attached? But that eliminates all the extra fiber!

Also, “adult supervision [is] required” when children are around the container the arrangement came in. I can’t think of what horrible, deadly thing kids could do with an empty basket, but maybe that’s a failure of imagination on my part.

Finally, the arrangement can only be safely transported in the trunk of the car. “Never allow a passenger to hold arrangement while vehicle is in motion,” I was cautioned. Of course, that’s exactly what most people are going to do, since if it goes in the trunk it might roll around — and horrors, maybe even dislodge one of those lethal skewers!

I cringe to think of the Edible Arrangements-related injuries that must have prompted these over-the-top legal warnings.

If you’re in Towson right now and thinking about lunch, you finally have another restaurant to consider.

Yes, our long local nightmare has ended: The Perring Place Express Deli is officially open!

I’ll try to provide a restaurant review soon; in the meantime, anyone who has eaten there already can provide feedback below for your fellow Towson lunchgoers.

Slate had an interesting story yesterday about the last meals of death row inmates in anticipation of convicted “Beltway Sniper” John Allen Muhammad’s execution last night in Virginia. (Muhammad chose not to reveal his last meal to the public.)

The Slate story provided links to the Web site of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, which posted the final meals requested by offenders until 2004, and continues to post their final statements.  Psalm 23 appeared to be a popular choice judging by a random sample. (Muhammad “ignored a request” to make a final statement, according to news reports.)

The Texas sites are eerie and chilling. Delbert Teague Jr., for example, was executed in 1998 for murdering a Fort Worth man in 1985. He did not request a final meal, but at the “last minute he decided to eat a hamburger at his mother’s request,” according to records. His last statement was as follows:

I have come here today to die, not make speeches. Today is a good day for dying.

Est Sularus Oth Mithas (My Honor Is My Life).

As someone commented on the Slate story, “there is something disgustingly voyeuristic about it all.”

I walked past what used to be the Court Towers Deli today in Towson and saw something I haven’t seen in 19 months: people eating.

The Perring Place Express Deli was doing a dry run during breakfast, its second dress rehearsal in a week. The deli, as I’ve chronicled here before, was originally supposed to open by the end of September.

I popped in as the maroon-shirted staffers were preparing to close, so I have no report on the food. (Sources indicated it was tasty, however.) A lady behind the counter said the restaurant could open officially on Monday, although the inflection of her voice seemed to indicate it was more of a prediction than a statement of fact.

I guess we’ll all find out next week.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, no corned beef for anybody.

Last week, I wrote a new restaurant replacing the Court Towers Deli across from Circuit Court in Towson had pushed back its opening one week, to Sept. 21.

Alas, it was not meant to be, as the Perring Place Express Deli is still not open. Walking past the deli the last two days, I’ve noticed a fridge fully stocked with Red Bull and a new soda dispenser. But the tables remain pushed in one corner and the space remains mostly dark as work continues inside.

Unlike last week, there is no sign on the front door now announcing a new opening date. Stay tuned.

I wrote a blog post earlier this month about a new restaurant set to open Sept. 14 in the old Court Towers Deli in Towson, across the street from Circuit Court.

I ended my post thusly:

After 18 months of wondering and waiting, I’ll believe the deli is open when I see it, but I’ll keep you posted.

Sure enough, I walked past the restaurant Monday on my way to court and saw no customers, only a few workers inside continuing renovations. A new sign outside the Perring Place Express Deli says it will now open Sept. 21.

Not to sound like a broken record, but after 18 months of wondering and waiting, I’ll believe the deli is open when I see it. I’ll still keep you posted.

I wrote about the closing of the Court Towers Deli in April 2008. Since then, I’ve watched the ground-level space sit vacant on Pennsylvania Avenue, a block from Baltimore County Circuit Court in Towson. Occasionally I would see people inside, scoping the place out. I heard rumors that a restaurant would be opening last fall, but nothing came to pass.

The restaurant was and is a topic of conversation of the people I see in and around the courthouse. So it gives me great pleasure to report a sign I saw on the space’s front door Monday:

Perring Place Express Deli

Tentative Opening Date:

Monday, Sept. 14th, 2009, 7 a.m.

New window treatments are already being mounted inside, a quick search online reveals the deli is already listed. The name suggests a spin-off of Perring Place in Parkville.

After 18 months of wondering and waiting, I’ll believe the deli is open when I see it, but I’ll keep you posted. 

Why shouldn’t you be able to get a divorce in the same amount of time it takes the drycleaner to clean and press your pants?

I guess that’s the kind of burning question that led New York lawyer Steve Brodsky to start offering a “60 Minute Divorce.”

According to Brodsky’s Web site, you and your soon-to-be-ex walk in and talk to a lawyer for a few minutes. You walk out. The firm sends a messenger to drop your divorce papers at the courthouse. You come back in an hour so. You sign what the messenger brings back. In four to six weeks, when the paperwork goes through, you’re divorced.

The less complicated the divorce, the less Brodsky charges. For example, an uncontested divorce where the parties have no children, no alimony requests and no property to divide costs $699: $199 for Brodsky and the rest for fees. Each complication costs $99 extra.

Brodsky, by the way, doesn’t limit his quickie, low-cost representation to divorces. He will also get you a green card, incorporate your business or (gulp) defend you in a civil suit. He runs a blog called Lawyers Suck.

My very favorite part of the divorce deal is that the firm gives clients a $10 gift card for lunch at Starbucks or McDonald’s, to be enjoyed while the messenger is out with the forms. That’s got to be one uncomfortable lunch. I’m seeing the almost-exes eating their burgers while staring fixedly at the kids playing on the McDonald’s playground, just so they don’t have to look at each other. Maybe the firm should give each spouse a $5 gift card instead, so one can go to Starbucks and the other to McDonald’s.

Or maybe not. Maybe there are couples who realize, over their venti half-caf skinny lattes, that they were meant to be together after all. I wonder if Brodsky has ever had to call back the messenger and call off the divorce.

CARYN TAMBER, Legal Affairs Writer

If you are in Salt Lake City, you might want to think twice before asking your fellow driver a favor.

According to this article in the Salt Lake City Tribune, a motorist was unhappy with another driver’s request.

Apparently, the conversation went as follows:

Driver 1: (rolling down his window) “Excuse me, sir, do you have any Grey Poupon?”

Driver 2: (pulling out his black handgun from the car’s glove compartment and pointing it at the three occupants of Driver 1’s vehicle)
“Here’s your Grey Poupon, roll your [expletive] windows up.”

The police were not amused, and charged Driver 2 with aggravated assault.

Driver 1 remains at large, quoting bad 1985 television ads with impunity.

CHRISTINA DORAN, Assistant Legal Editor

The lights are on today in the former home of the Court Towers Deli in Towson for the first time since the end of April. A cleaning crew has been inside all day scrubbing down the place, which has been undisturbed since it closed.

The deli closing and a possible replacement have been the topic of much discussion around Towson for months. The restaurant was popular among the legal community because of the good food and location next to Baltimore County Circuit Court.

Back in April, I heard a new tenant would be in place at some point during the summer. But despite today’s cleaning, there are no signs indicating new ownership or a scheduled opening date. We’ll keep you posted.

DANNY JACOBS, Legal Affairs Writer